The Lone Wanderer's own Personal Mind !
by Raekea
Summary: The Lone Wanderer has a pretty odd experience in our world... Rated M for violence and a bit of bad language.
1. Chapter 1

She is a legend in post-apocalyptic America, the Capital Wasteland, the place she calls her home. She wanders the ravaged country, her purpose bleary, mission unclear. She set off to find her father - whom she found many years ago. Yet her adventure did not end there. She has travelled into other states, Virtual Reality, even outer space.  
But still she feels that something is missing, not that she knows what it is.  
This is the story of how, adventure after adventure, the Lone Wanderer became more famous, but a hell of a lot more bored into the bargain.  
This is the story of how the Lone Adventurer entered another world entirely... A world harsher than her own.  
This is the story.... of AMERICA HOUSE SCHOOL!!!

* * *  
Sat in the middle of a protective barrier of mirelurk corpses, The Lone Wanderer swigged from a bottle of purified water as gunfire rattled behind her.  
"Bloody Bandits." she murmured irritably, swigged some more water, picked up a throwing knife, and casually disarmed all three of the bandits (By cutting their arms off, how else?) with one throw. She then rummaged in her backpack, after a few minutes found a nailboard, and quickly put the bandits out of their misery.  
Rolling her eyes at the disruption to her day, she was just about to walk off to find some mole rats to eat, when something glittered at the corner of her vision, and she remembered, she hadn't looted the bandits yet. Doing so in true Bethesda style, with the little iconny thing coming up over each thing she wanted to pick, The Lone Wanderer found a few pistols, a minigun (nice!) bottlecaps, yadda yadda. ...And a pamphlet. "Wow." she remarked to herself. "I didn't know bandits could read." Giving the pamphlet a quick read to see if it was anything vital to the fallout storyline, and deciding it wasn't, The Lone Wanderer carried on walking back to Vault 101 to find Dogmeat. She could always fast-travel, but then what was the fun in that? But then what was the fun in anything anymore.... Since the DLC packs had come out and gone, she had nothing to do and was bored senseless.  
She had often wondered what it would be like if she had been made by another game company. Say she was made by Lionhead, Dogmeat would be a good deal more useless (but loveable), and she's have to care more about that karma crud.  
Say she was made by EA, Tiger Woods would probably make an honorary appearance, and she would be forced to play UEFA. Bleh.  
She didn't even want to think about if she was made by Sega. Visions of that hideous blue hedgehog constantly made her nauseous.  
As soon as she got to Dogmeat and saw his slobbery cute face, she usually felt better. But not this time... Something was terribly wrong, and she had no idea what it was. It's not like there was any danger about. She never quailed in the face of anything most people would crap themselves at. She had defused bombs, beaten off aliens, saved the world! She had....  
...She had?  
Suddenly it hit her like 1000 pounds of weaponry.  
She was bored.  
It was a condition she hadn't experienced since she was 19 or 20, no wonder she hadn't recognised it... But what to do? There were no quests left. None. Zero. Zip. And there was no more planned DLC.  
What the Hell was she supposed to do now?  
"Gurr." Dogmeat's low growl alerted her to enemy presence. She checked her radar. But there was nobody there... Friendly or hostile, living or dead. She shivered, despite the boiling heat. Something was happening... she could feel it. And that was when something hit her in the face.  
Firing her gun wildly, her heart pounding in her chest, The Lone Wanderer was rather ashamed to see that what had startled her so was a mere pamphlet.  
As she read the all-too-familiar words, a buzzing noise reached her ears, and she was suddenly aware she was unable to drop it.  
"What the..." Dogmeat was barking at the piece of paper, and trying to wrench it out of her hands, and she was panicking, something she did not very often. A surge of blue light.... And Dogmeat and The Lone Wanderer disappeared.

The piece of paper fluttered to the floor... The words read "America House School and Canada Lodge welcomes you back after the holidays."


	2. Chapter 2

"Ugh...." she rubbed her head, aching all over. "What the Hell is going on..." Drowsy, she attempted to drift into the realms of sleep.  
"Gurr...." Dogmeat's low growling made her remember what had happened, and that she could be in extreme danger. Quickly, she sat up.  
"Welcome, young lady." drawled a deep voice from behind her, "To my school for the differently gifted. Or to put it another way...mutants."  
She had already drawn her gun, and she pointed it at the bald guy in the wheelchair now.  
"What do you want from me, boffin?" she growled. "What the Hell is going on, and why have I been brought here?"  
"Look around you." he replied. "What do you see?"  
Deciding the crazy egg-head was not harmful, she humoured him. "I see a school, a load of weirdos wearing spandex, and some old guy with a long beard in a dress. Why?"  
"Why?" the bald guy chuckled. "This is my school, and I am Professor Charles Xavier. The spandex is my X-mens' costume, and... Old guy with a beard in a dress??!"  
"That's right, Charles. It's me. And this is MY school, not yours."  
"Like Hell it is, Dumbledore! Go find a short broomstick, and take a long jump!"  
"Just because Magneto dumped you, Charles, there's no need to be bitter. Anyway, I'm -MUCH- sexier than he ever was."  
"Whatever, Beardie." said professor X dismissively.  
"DON'T CALL ME BEARDIE, BALDY!"  
"Ahem." The Lone Wanderer drew their attention back to her before they could start bitch-slapping. "What do you want me to..." A guy with orange hair who was slightly sparkly, and rubbish at acting stepped up to her. He loomed over her, and said.... "YOU ARE MY LIFE NOW."  
She shot him.

After a series of piss-takes of various shows, books, films, etc., The Lone Wanderer was getting pretty sick of this, shot a few more people, and wandered into the school.


	3. Chapter 3

As soon as she entered the school however, her nerves, sixth sense, call it what you will, was on edge. Something was wrong...

"Yes... Indeed it is Earthling." She swivelled round to see Professor Xavier holding Dumbledore in a headlock. ...Wait. Earthling?

"Yes. I am referring to you in the much-stereotyped way that visitors from other planets refer to the occupants of Terra. For I..." He paused momentarily for a dramatic evil laugh.

"You're an alien?" The Lone Wanderer butted in. "Wow. Some surprise."

"Yes, exactly. I... Sarcasm?"

"Well, it's a well known fact that originally all bald men are from another planet. Alopecia? Male pattern baldness? All a result of genes from aliens passed down over the years."

"Wha..."

"Shush, I'm talking. Why do you think all bald men are arrogant? Anyone whose ancestors have space travelled are pretty much guaranteed to be dickheads." Xavier looked outraged.

"Well, how dare you! I have a good mind to..."

"Throw me across the room with your telekinetic powers? We all know you have a trained stage-team to do that for you, Charlie-boy. And they're not above accepting bribes..."

Xavier glowered, and released Dumbledore (who fell to the floor, and crawled off mumbling something about "Cedric Diggory being too sparkly for his own good").

"So. You found out my telekinesis secret. No matter – even if mine are not, my X-Mens' powers are real. Go! Wolverine! I choose you!" Wolverine bounded out of a rip-off pokeball, and looked at the Lone Wanderer.

"Erm... Boss?"

"Yes, Logan?" Charles sighed, drumming his fingers on the side of his wheelchair.

"...She's a girl."

"And?"

"But she's a girl, on 'The Good Side'."

"Indeed."

"With 'issues'."

"Yep."

"And she's hot."

"Logan, what are you trying to say here... ah crap."

"Yea, sorry Boss, but I just can't. She's on 'The Good Side', issues, smoking hawt... It's against the whole HWE."

"HWE?"

"Horny Wolverine Ethic. Look, I may look like Hugh Jackman, and have a gravelly voice, but it's incredibly hard to get laid when you're covered in adamantium spikes. A guy's gotta have some morals!"

"Wolverine, you are telling me that your DICK is doing your thinking for you? And you call that ethics?"

"Exey, I'm a man."

"He has a point." Lone said.

"You keep out of this!" Logan and Professor X snapped as one. She held up her hands.

"Okay, okay. I'll be over at the snack table with Scott when you want to carry on with the Evil-Guy-Crap."

"Fine!" Exey snapped.

"That's right, Charles. And this is MY masochistic vampizard, not yours!"

"YOU ARE MY LIFE NOW!"


End file.
